You might be wondering who i am.. My name is David but my friends call me MD not as in managing director or whatever but simply 'Master David'funny aiit? Am a Nigerian, born and raised in Nigeria, l've travelled to many states in Nigeria. Am from the southern part of Nigeria called Akwa Ibom. I speak four languages fluently namely: English, Ibibio, Yoruba and Nigerian pidgin respectively. I was born on the 18th of October 1992. My Hobbies are: Singing, Dancing, Playing football, also love watching it too, I love playing video games especially Play station 'soccer' and above all, putting smiles on people's faces. Please feel free to drop your questions if you want to know more about me. Please, Your comments means alot to me.

Please your post, share and comments means alot to me, every comments you drop inspires me in making you delightful. My article on leadership is on the way please bear with me as you will benefit alot from it. thanks

1. Egyptians are proud of their Pyramids. 2. Chinese are proud of their Magics. 3. Japanese are proud of their Technology 4. Brazilians are proud of their Football. 5. Dubai are proud of their tourism 6. France are proud of their Eifel tower 7. Indian are pround of their Taj Maha Add yours:

A man had a serious accident with his brand new car. A police officer nearby ran to the scene to help them out. "This man's car just hit my car! That car is worth Six million Naira! Now,my car is a total write-off!" The police officer shook his head in amazement and said "You are so materialistic.You didn't even realize that your hand had been cut off". The man looked at his bloody arm and screamed "OH MY GOD!!! Where is my gold wristwatch, and my ring!!?" What tribe in this world could this man be from?

FOOTBALL FACT *Tottenham payed for Willian's flight, taxi, hotel & medical, only for Chelsea to sign him. *Zinedine Zidane was never caught offside in his whole career. *Adnan Januzaj: Born in Belgium. Mother from Kosovo. Father from Albania, Grandmother from Serbia. Grandfather from Turkey. Plays in England *Cristiano Ronaldo refused to give a 10-year old girl an autograph because she wore a Barcelona shirt. *Since Arsenal last won a trophy, Leo Messi has turned professional & won 78 individual trophies/awards, including 4 consecutive Ballon d'Ors *When Mourinho says you have a bright future; It means you can't make his team at the present. *Since Arsenal last won a trophy, Pep Guardiola retired as a player, became a manager, won 15 trophies, took a year break and now returned and won 2 trophies. *Ryan Giggs can donate a Premier league medal to 11 Arsenal players and still remain with two of his own. *Cristiano Ronaldo has more hatricks In his career than Chamakh has Premier League shots... Source from surebet247.com

feel free to drop your comments, post, share on your social networks. thanks

Akpos was sitting at a bar, and thinking about his life, when all of a sudden, Ironman, the town's most notorious thug smacks Akpos in the face and says "That's KUNG FU, made in Japan". A while later, Ironman the thug smacks Akpos again and says "That's KARATE, made in Korea", then sat at the bar and started drinking. Akpos gets up and leaves the bar. A short time later he comes back and smacks Ironman, the thug, knocking him out cold and he said to the barman, "When that IMBECILE wakes up, tell him that was a SHOVEL, made in ABA!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: An old man saw a scorpion drowning and decided to pull it out from the water. He calmly extended his hand to reach the creature, when he did, the scorpion stung him... With the effect of the pain, the old man let go the creature and it fell back into the water. The man realizing that the scorpion was drowning again got back and tried to rescue it but then again it stung him. He let go of it again...A young boy standing by, approached the old man and said, “excuse me sir, you are going to hurt yourself trying to save the evil-vicious creature, why do you insist? Don't you realize that each time you try to help the scorpion, it stings you? The man replied, "The nature of the scorpion is to sting and mine is to help." It will not change in helping the scorpion the man thought for a while and used a leaf from a nearby tree and pulled the scorpion out from the water and saved its life...Then, turning to the young boy, he continued. “Do not change your nature. If someone hurts you, just take precautions; Some pursue happiness while others create it...Let your conscience be your guide in whatever you do...When life presents you with a thousand reasons to cry, show it that you have a thousand reasons or more to smile. More importantly, always be the reason for that precious smile!!!..

A girl was passing by and saw her boyfriend standing by the ATM. She immediately hide and sent a romantic text to him, "Honey if you are sleeping right now send me your dreams, if u are laughing send me ur laughter, if u are eating send me some food, if u are crying send me ur tears, if u are withdrawing from the ATM send me some money."Boyfrien d replies, I'm in the toilet what should I send?

Joke: BETWEEN AKPOS AND EMEKA Emeka: U be fool, u no sabi anything. Akpos: Ahhh...haba guy. Emeka: Na so. I fit prove am sef. If na night and u see 2 light for road, na wetin be dat? Akpos: Na moto. Emeka: Ehenh, but wish kind? Benz? Peugeot? or Lexus? Akpos: I no know dat one oh Emeka: U see am. Anyway, second proof. Na night, u see 1 light for road. Na wetin be dat? Akpos: Na okada. Emeka: Ehenh, whish one? Suzuki? Yamaha? or Kawasaki? Akpos: Ahh....how I suppose know? Emeka: U see am? I don show u say u be fool. Akpos: Na wa 4 u o. Dis ur question sef. Oya make I ask u. If na night u see woman for roadside....mini skirt, big breast, red lips, big nyash, na wetin? Emeka: Na ashawo. Akpos: Ehenh, but which one? Ur mama, ur sister or ur daughter? Who come be fool?

Jokes:

One sunday morning in church, pastor
was
about to start the service when 2 men
Akpors and Ochuko, dressed in long
black
coats and black hats entered. Akpors walked to the middle of the
church
while Ochuko stayed at the back of the
church.
They both reached under their coats
and withdrew automatic weapons.
Akpors announced; Everyone willing
to take
a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats.
Seats in the congregation became
emptied, followed by the choir stand.
Deacons ran out through the door,
followed
by the choir director and the assistant
pastor.
After a few moments, there were about 8
people left in the church, sitting.
Pastor was steady in the pulpit.
Akpors and Ochuko put their guns
away
and said, gently, to the pastor; All right,
pastor, the hypocrites are now gone.
You
can start the service. One word for Akpors

Joke:

One boring Monday morning, Mr. Akpos, our English teacher entered the class and addressed us. He started; "Lets show the principal and our guest how much we have learnt so far this year. Lets do some comparatives. So I say small, you say small, smaller, smallest and on and on like that."

We all nodded, looking very tired.

MR. AKPOS: Big
CLASS: (All chorused) Big, bigger ,biggest
MR. AKPOS: Clean
CLASS: Clean, cleaner, cleanest
MR AKPOS: Tall
CLASS: Tall, taller, tallest
MR AKPOS: (Smiling) Very good
CLASS: Very good, very gooder, very goodest
MR. AKPOS: Oh gosh!
CLASS: Oh gosh, oh gosher, oh goshest
MR. AKPOS: Stop it now!
CLASS: Stop it now, stop it nower, stop it nowest
MR AKPOS: Oh please!
CLASS: Oh please, oh pleaser, oh pleasest
MR. AKPOS: Look at me!
CLASS: Look at me, look at me-er, look at me-est
MR. AKPOS: What a disgrace!
CLASS: What a disgrace, what a disgracer, what a disgracest

Mr. Akpos furiously left the class....

A LETTER FROM AN ABORTED CHILD;

Dear Mum,
I have decided to talk to you, to let you know my feelings. I want to know why you did it. My story is short. I have stayed inside you for only three months. I was very comfortable and warm. I felt really protected. I know you are a special person because I ate the food you ate.
I longed for the day I would see your face. Nine months was a long time to wait, but I was determined to wait. I had to be patient.
.
One day I heard you converse with a man about me, and at some stage you quarreled. The man then offered you some money to get rid of me. I was happy and prayed that this meant that I would at least see you, the only person that I knew in the world: I was wrong. I had almost forgotten the issues until I felt something sharp pierce my tiny ear. I jerked silently and in pain, and asked you to protect me.
.
Seconds later the object came, fiercer than before. My tiny was cut up, starting from the ears then arms and legs. It was an agonizing experience, my head was then cut off and I died.
.
It took me a whole hour to die, a whole hour for an innocent three months human being to be murdered. I remember the whole incidence vividly and I keep asking myself, what I did to deserve that cruel death?
Why me? Why did you do it to me? And why was I not given a chance to live? I know you are having a lot of nightmares. You remain guilty for the beastly act.
Please explain to your God why you committed the heinous act. Personally I have forgiven you though I never lived to see your face. My journey to back to my creator was safe and I arrived safely. I was given a red carpet welcome by an angel. I am infact, without bitterness.
.
I still love you mum.

But the question is; Do u support Abortion???

A. Yes
B. No
C. Maybe

Joke:

An Israeli doctor says : "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks." !

A British doctor says: "That is nothing, we can take a lung out of
one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four
weeks.

A Canadian doctor says: "In my country, medicine is so advanced
that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks."

A South African doctor: not to be outdone, says: "You guys are way
behind, We just took a man with no brain - made him President, and now the whole country is looking for work

Joke:

A Mafia Godfather finds out
that his bookkeeper, Guido, has
cheated him out of $10,000,000.
His bookkeeper is deaf.
That was the reason he got the
job in the first place. It was
assumed that Guido would hear
nothing so he would never have
to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to
confront Guido about his
missing $10 million, he takes
along his lawyer who knows
sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer,
"Ask him where the money is!"
The lawyer, using sign language,
asks Guido, "Where's the
money?"
Guido signs back, "I don't know
what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather,
"He says he doesn't know what
you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol,
puts it to Guido's head and says,
"Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll
kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs, "OK!
You win! The money is in a
brown briefcase, buried behind
the shed at my cousin Bruno's
house."
The Godfather asks the lawyer,
"What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you
don't have the balls to pull the
trigger!

Jokes:

In 2012, It was......Fuel subsidy consequences(from different sources)...

1. Dis is Jonathan's way of punishing nigerians for making fun of his wife"

2. Now, if He puts on AC 4 U in d Car, den He really loves U

3. Don't be shocked if u try 2 burn a thief with fuel and pple start slapping u instead...be wise

4. Enugu 2 Lagos by bus now 17k. some pple can't even come back Lagos 4rm village.. L'obatan . This is deportation Lagos has been praying for.

5. Next time my girl asks me to take her somewhere expensive, id drive her to the petrol station

6. BREAKING NEWS: Stolen car found ... fuel missing!!!=D:'( >=)

7. Bicycle sellers report high rise in sales.

8. No more burning of thieves. Say yes to drowning or hanging

9. Date your neighbour or die trekking

10. A car was snatched at gunpoint today and the owner was screaming MY FUEL; MY FUEL

11. Host: What do i offer you? Visitor: I'll take fuel...

12. Nig police set 2 increase bribe rates from #50 to #141.

13. Abuja Big Boy spotted oppressing as He Left His Engine On while Waiting for Girlfriend.

14. Island Boy Friend + Mainland Girl Friend = Long Distance Relationship

Customer : How much you dey cut hair for here?
Barber : Oga naa 100naira with 'Nepa' but 800Naira with Gen'!
Customer: abeg flash me when Nepa bring light


But Now, We still dey Thank the Lord.

Joke:

"Did your hear the news? Mike is dead!"
"Whoa, what the hell happened?"
"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived at my driveway, he was going too fast, couldn't brake properly and boom - he hits the curb and the car flips. The car knocks down half of my front fence and Mike gets thrown through the sunroof. He went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No,no, he survived that. That didn't kill him at all. So, he lands in my upstairs bedroom, lying on the floor all covered in broken glass. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking one arm, three ribs and both his legs."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No,no, that didn't kill him.He survived that. He managed to get the
wardrobe off him and drags himself out onto the landing. He tries to pull himself up on the bannister but under his weight, the bannister breaks and he goes falling all the way down to the first floor taking the entire bannister with him. In mid air, all the broken bannister poles fall on him and 2 or 3 of them skewer him right through the abdomen just like a rotisserie chicken when he landed at the bottom."
"Now,that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No,no, that didn't kill him. He survived even that. So he's on the
downstairs floor just outside the kitchen. He crawls into the kitchen,
tries to pull himself up on the stove,he was reaching for a big pot of
boiling hot water, and whoosh, the whole thing comes down on him and burns most of his skin off."
"Man, what a terrible way to go!"
"No,no, he survived that, he survived that ! He's lying on the floor,
scalded by boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing out of the wall. Water and electricity mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, with 220 volts going right through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No,no, he survived that, he..."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"He was wrecking my f..king house!!!"

Advise from my Desk:

In order for us to move forward this yr, there's things u're gonna do, things u're gonna change bout ur lifestyle cos that s d most important thing u need to consider as u're entering this yr.
This year, u need to focus on ur future, forgetting the past, also try ur possible best to move forward cos if u do, then Nigeria will also follow ur footsteps in moving forward.
So therefore, if we plan on moving forward this year, then there's an assurance that everything u ask from God will surely come to pass.
But remember this, in wateva u do, dont be like the children of Israel, the journey dat was supposed to last for a couple of months, lasted for over a year just bcos they didnt listen to the command and advice of their leader, i'm not sayin i'm a leader, but i'm only here as an adviser, so u can move forward dis year.

Love:

Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow, we must fail in order to know, Sometimes our vision clears only after our eyes are washed away with tears

Somebody out there has the keys to your heart...you just haven't found the right set yet

Why say the sky is the limit, when there are footprints on the moon?

I would rather risk my heart to the possibility of pain, than to never feel love again. To live without love is merely existing. There is no greater pain than that

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."

When tomorrow starts without me, don't think we are far apart, for everytime you think of me I am right in your heart.

Love:

It's a long road when you face the world alone, when no one reaches out a hand for you to hold. You can find love if you search within your soul, and the emptiness you felt will disappear

joke 4 d week

A Primary School teacher
asks her students to write an essay about what they would like God to do for them. At the end of the day, while marking the essays, she read one
that made her very emotional. Her husband, who
... had just walked in, saw her crying and asked her: 'What happened?'
She answered: 'Read this. It is one of my
students essay.'
'Oh God, tonight I ask you something very
special: Make me into a Television. I want to take
its place and live like the TV in my house. Have my own special place, and have my family
around me. To be taken seriously when I talk. I
want to be the centre of attention and be heard
without interruptions or questions. I want to
receive the same special care that the TV
receives even when it is not working. Have the company of my dad when he arrives home from
work, even when he is tired. And I want my mom
to want me when she is sad and upset, instead of
ignoring me. And ... I want my brothers to fight to
be with me ... I want to feel that family just leaves
everything aside, very now and then, just to spend some time with me. And last but not least,
ensure that I can make them all happy and
entertain them. Lord I don't ask you for much. I
just want to live like a TV.'
At that moment the husband said: 'My God, poor
kid. What horrible parents!' Primary School teacher looked up at him and
said:'That essay is from our son

Joke:

A mum whispered to her 3 daughters after
their weddings. Don’t 4get to text me ur
experience of d 1st nite. After a week, the 1st
daughter sent an sms 2 d mum ‘NESCAFE”
while d 2nd txt ”BENSON”.The mum bemused
by d messages, picked a tin of nescafe & read
4rm d label ”fantastic till d last drop” she also
went 2 her hubby’s pack of cigarettes written
on it was ”extra long, king size”she blus…
hed! For their age she wasn’t much worried
but decided to wait for her 3rd daughter’s
experience. After a few days, she received a
post-card which was written ”Arik: lagos-
kano”. She quickly called arik air information
desk & was told ”its 3 times daily 7days a wk
& 75 minutes flight both ways”. She just
slumped & fainted,: (diz man go kill my baby.

Greetings to other months:
Dear JANUARY, How is FEBRUARY? Kindly inform MARCH, that APRIL, Said MAY, will come Before JUNE, i heard that July, is getting Married in AUGUST, how about SEPTEMBER, & her children?
Please send my regards to OCTOBER,_, & Don't forget to notify NOVEMBER,_, that All Our
friends, families, classmates, business associates & colleagues reading this post will end December in Greater And Greater JOY & HAPPINESS, CELEBRATIONS , BREAKTHROUGH,
ACCIDENT FREE IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF OUR CREATOR AND THE GOOD THINGS OF LIFE.

LETTER FROM A MOTHER TO A DAUGHTER:

"My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through.

If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”... Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep.

When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl?

When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way... remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day... the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through.

If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you.

And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked.

When those days come, don’t feel sad... just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love.

I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you... my darling daughter."

If u love your mum, show, prove to her that u really do before live a life of regret.
Your Mother is your most valuable possession, hold on to her before you lose her.

Jokes:

Na wa for all dis rich ppl o..dont i went to c a frnd from a rich family. D maid approached me and asked:

maid: wat wud u lik to have, fruit juice, yogurt, tea, chocolate, cappucino, frapuccino, or coffee?
Me: tea pls
maid: ceylon, Indian, herbal, kericho gold, or green tea?
Me: white..
Maid: milk or fresh cream?
Me: cow's milk..
Maid: freezeland or Africaner cow?
Me: uhmmm! Lemme go wit freezeland cow.
Maid: wud u lik it wit sweetener sugar or honey:
me: sugar
maid:bee suga or cane sugar?
Me: cane suga.
Maid:white, brown or yellow suga?
Me: abeg, forget bout d tea, just give me a glass of water,.
Maid: mineral, tap or distilled water?
Me: infact, get me an empty glass!
Maid:do u want a tumbler, wine glass, champagne flute or beer mug?
Me: abeg free me,.. i go swallow my spit...

Joke and Prayer:
Akpos came back from school with bad
grades which made
his father was very upset.
FATHER: You are too dull,
sometimes I wonder if you are my son. When
I was like you, I was so brilliant...
He continued on and on for days about how
brilliant he was. One day, Akpos saw his
father's result as he was sweeping his
father's room that same week. His father
had failed almost all his papers.
AKPOS: Dad, please, can you explain this?
FATHER: Come on son, that's not my original
result, that's
just the photocopy!

Dis yr, ur success, wealth, prosperity, fortunes, blessing, joy shall nt be a photocopy

Greetings to my lovely viewers:
Imagine if you had a bank account that credits your account every morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day. you will be a billionaire right?
Well, Each of us has such a Bank. It’s name is TIME. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds.
If you fail to use the day’s deposits, the loss is yours. There is no carry over against “tomorrow.” You must live in the present on today’s deposits.
It's a new week..use your time better and wiser for your own success. 
Thanks for visiting my blog. Hope to see you again. 
To advertise on our blog, please call 08069035174

Jokes:
Akpos struck up a conversation with a
lady
online:
Akpos: Hi babe, wasup?
Girl: I’m cool thanks!
Akpos: You’re welcome, I will like to know
you wella.
Girl: I’m Tichick, 19, slim & dark from
Lasgidi.
Akpos: Babe you’re the kind of girl I
like. Akpos continues: Babe actually, my
name is
James Ovie Akpororo but my friends
call me
Akpos.
I am 59 years old, I live in No. 16 Church
street, Oshodi, Lagos.
I have a supermarket @ 12 Femi
Johnson
street, Mushin, Lagos.
Babe I like dating young girls like you. You
can callme on 08028264…
Girl: But oga you’re a family man. How
will
your wife & daughter feel if they see
me with you. Or don’t you think it’s wrong?
Akpos: Babe don’t even mention my
useless
daughter & her wayward mother here.
They’re on their own & I have my life
to live. Girl: It’s ok then. But do you care to
know
more about me?
Akpos: Babe give me your full details
including your bank account number.
Girl: Well, my full name is Augustina James
Akpororo, I’m a primary 6 student of
Govt
School. My mum’s name is Gladys
Akpororo,
she sells fish at Mushin. My father’s name is
James Ovie Akpororo, he is a gate man
at
Oshodi where we both live.
Akpos: Tina, so it is you!
Girl: Papa, so it is you! Akpos: Your mother must hear this
Girl: Papa, Mama is here ooo. She says
don’t
even attempt coming home.
Call: 08069035174 to advertise on our blog

True Story:
It was about eight o’clock when her son who was asthmatic developed some complications. He had to be rushed to the nearest hospital about 1km away or else it would be fatal. She called a neighbor who had a car but the neighbor said the car had no fuel; she called the pastor who said he had visiting pastors from USA and could not leave them alone. She decided to carry the son to the hospital; she could not imagine loosing her only child to the same sickness that had killed the husband few years earlier. She had a problem with her leg and could not move fast enough and the son was also heavy for her to move faster. Along the way she met people rushing home from work who just stared at her. She tried to beg them for help but they assumed her. She also tried to stop passing vehicles but they never responded. She fell many times but she had to keep moving. Then a man who was mad and used to roam the streets Unclad noticed her. He came running towards her and took the son from her. She could not talk but just pointed the direction of the hospital. The crazy Unclad man could understand perfectly well what she meant since he saw the desperate boy struggling for breath. He put him on the shoulder and told the woman “all will be well” as he ran towards the hospital. The doctors on seeing the crazy man knew something was really wrong, they attended to the boy immediately. Ten minutes later the mother arrived and the doctor broke the news “if he was brought five minutes later, he would have died” . God doesn’t have to use Bishops, Pastors, Alfas, family, politicians & rich people with cars to rescue or bless you. No matter what may come your way, no matter what you are going through, your life is in His hands & He has good thoughts for you. I know you will make it. For there is a friend in God who will wipe away your tears. The Word says for with GOD all things are possible! SHARE After Reading.. The instructions are to pick four people that You want God to bless. I pick you


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Jokes:

AKPOS: I'm in big trouble!
JOHNNY: Why is that?
AKPOS: I saw a mouse in my house!
JOHNNY: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
AKPOS: I don't have one.
JOHNNY: Well then, buy one.
AKPOS: Can't afford one.
JOHNNY: I can give you mine if you want.
AKPOS: That sounds good.
JOHNNY: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
AKPOS: I don't have any cheese.
JOHNNY: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
AKPOS: I don't have oil.
JOHNNY: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
AKPOS: I don't have bread.
JOHNNY: Then what is the mouse doing in your house!?

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DID YOU KNOW!!!. 1. The water you drink today, has already been drunk many times before.. 2. Orgasms can lower a woman's risk of heart disease, breast cancer, stroke and depression.. 3. There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you. There's a 9% chance that you'll meet one of them in your lifetime.. 4. A tiger's tongue is rough enough to lick the paint off of a building.. 5. Every time you sneeze your heart stops a second.. 6. The average human will eat 8 spiders while asleep in their lifetime.. 7. Between 6 and 9 billion condoms are used collectively across the world each year.. 8. There over 900,000 Google searches per second.. 9. In Denmark, it’s NOT against the law to escape from prison.. 10. Being called "Baby" has a positive effect on the female brain, causing instant emotional stress relief..

At a table in a candle-lit
restaurant, a man and woman
were having dinner, and the
following conversation ensued:
Man: Baby, I love you, would you
please marry me?
Woman: (stands up and lands a
stinging slap on his face) I have
waited more than 9yrs, I have
prayed, fasted, sowed seeds,
bought books and listened to tapes, even
went out of my
way to be nice to every male
specie of marriageable age! I
took up new hobbies, watching
football and play station. I went to Daystar, from Daystar, I went to
House
on the Rock, from
House on the rock I went to
Guiding Light Assembly, Phronesis
Christian Centre int'l, MFM, Christ Embassy, Redeemed, from there I
went to This Present Winners looking
everywhere for you. l
went from a size 14 to a size
10, so that when you see me
you’d love what you see. I left Lagos, went to Abuja, from
Abuja I went to Port- Harcourt, then I
went all the way to Kano
I joined hi-five, from hi-five to
Facebook, then I went to
twitter, I even had a blog on which I ranted, hoping you would show up! For where? I uploaded only
my
best pictures on
Facebook, in fact I took photo
sessions to look my best, all for you o! I attended all the
weddings, whether the invitation
was direct or indirect! The next place
I was
hoping to
check was the moon, before you crawled out, crawled out from
the house directly next to mine!
So it was you all this while? The
neighbour I said hello to every
morning?
Were you trying to destroy my faith?
You almost rendered my prayer
life useless?
What were you waiting for?
What sign where you looking for? Do
you want to kill me
before you reveal yourself?!!!
Now be a gentleman, get down
on your knees and put that ring
on my finger!!
. . . . The Guy replied, "April Fool.

Akpors went to an electronic store, he asked
the storekeeper "what is the price of this
TV?"
The storekeeper answered "we don't sell our
products to Akpors."
Akpors again came next day by cutting his
beard and asked "what is the price of this
TV?" The storekeeper replied "we don't sell
our products to Akpors".
The next day Akpors came with a different
face and asked "what is the price of this TV?"
The shopkeeper replied "we don't sell our
products to Akpors."
Finally Akpors got irritated and asked the
shopkeeper "how do you recognise me
every
time?" The storekeeper replied "because this
is not a TV, it is Microwave Oven!"
Describe Akpors

Life has its ups and downs. Some people do not know what it takes to become successful in life, some believe in living a double life just to make it in life quicker. Some don't wanna go through any stress before making it. But my dear friends, to be a successful person in life is not a day job. it takes time, courage, ability, vision, setting a goal, believing in yourself and many more to become successful...In my next messages, I will like to share how to be a leader with you, cos that has always been my goal....thanks...till then.

@ dawn d fone rings
"Hello, Mr Robert? Dis is Asher, ur country house caretaker"
"Ah yes, Asher. Wat can I do for u? Is der a problem?"
"Erm...I am jst callin to tell u, sir, dat ur parrot died"
"My parrot? Dead? The one dat won d competition?"
"dat's d one."
"Damn! Dat's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on dat bird. Oh well wat did he die 4rm?"
"Frm eatin rotten meat."
"Rotten meat? Wu was so mean as to giv him meat?"
"Nobody. He ate d meat of 1 of d dead horses."
"Dead horse? Wat dead horse, Mutiso?"
"Y, dos pure breed ones dat u had, sir, died frm all dat stress of pullin d water cart."
"Ar u insane? Wat water cart?"
"D one we used to put out d fire."
"Gud Lord! Wat fire ar u talkin bout, man?"
"The one at ur house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire."
"Wat d....!! But der's electricity at the house!! Wat was the candle for??"
"For the funeral."
"WHAT FUNERAL??!!!"
"Ur mother's! She showed up one nite out of d blue and I thot she was a thief nd i shot her.''