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Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Happy new month viewers... Please like my Facebook page for more jokes @ #dheelite

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BRAIN‬TEASER Only for Geniuses: A teacher enters a classroom and says "How I wish yesterday was tomorrow, today would have been a Friday". On which day did the teacher make this statement? 1. Monday 2. Tuesday 3. Wednesday 4. Thursday 5. Saturday 6. Sunday
BRAIN‬TEASER Only for Geniuses: A teacher enters a classroom and says "How I wish yesterday was tomorrow, today would have been a Friday". On which day did the teacher make this statement? 1. Monday 2. Tuesday 3. Wednesday 4. Thursday 5. Saturday 6. Sunday
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WHAT WOULD YOU DO? A woman tells her husband that she is going to visit her sick mum in the village. She goes on Friday and returns on Sunday, with plenty of fruits and food stuff, saying they are from her mum to the husband and the children. The husband gently asks her about her mother's health, and how she was doing, to which she replies that she took her to the hospital in the village, and she is recovering and getting better. The wife adds that her mother insisted that she must re-visit the village in a few days, to spend at least a week with her. "I'm worried about Mama..." the wife crooned, with tears swelling in her eyes. "She'll be fine, dear." Hubby lovingly replied. The husband then politely asks her to take the items to the kitchen. As she enters, she meets her mother preparing food in the kitchen. Apparently, her mum came visiting since the Friday that she left home. You can imagine the plight of this woman; stuck, shocked, dazed and dumbfounded at the kitchen door, whether to go in and drop the items 'from mama', or return to her hubby in the living room! How would you handle this case? Be sincere oh!
Just for fun: Write your names in japanese language please don't spoil the fun!!! Let's laugh a bit by writing your names in Japanese alphabet; A- ka B- tu C- mi D- te E- ku F- lu G- ji H- ri I- ki J- zu K- me L- tu M- rin N- to O- mo P- no Q- ke R- shi S- ari T- chi U-do V- ru W- mei X- na Y- fu Z- zi Example: David = Tekarukite Add your own funny customized name. Don't ruin the fun.
Conclusion: 32 - Jose met his wife Tami when he was a teenager, before they married in 1989 when he was 26. They have two children, a daughter called Matilde and a son called Jose Mario Jr. 33 - After being banned by Uefa for Chelsea's two-legged Champions League quarter-final against Bayern Munich in the 2004-05 season, it was claimed that Mourinho arrived at Stamford Bridge early and hid in the dressing room in order to give the pre-match and half-time team-talk, before then being wheeled out of the ground in a laundry basket in order to avoid being seen. 34 - Upon winning his second Premier League title with Chelsea in 2006, Mourinho threw his winners medal into the crowd at Stamford Bridge. He was given a replacement medal minutes later, but it too suffered a similar fate. One of the lucky fans to catch a medal later sold it at auction for €19,720. 35 - In 2009-10 during his second season at Inter, Mourinho let the San Siro side to the first Italian treble of Serie A, the Coppa Italia and the Champions League. It was also the first time Inter had won the European Cup since 1965. 36 - By winning that Champions League with Inter he also became only the third coach in history to win the tournament with two different teams, with Ernst Happel and Ottmar Hitzfield the two others to achieve that feat. 37 - Jose was born in 1963. Notable other moments associated with football that occurred in that year include the formation of the Bundesliga in West Germany, and Santos' 5-3 aggregate Copa Libertadores win over Boca Juniors. The Brazilian club were inspired by a certain 23-year-old forward going by the name of Pele. 38 - His father, Jose Manuel Mourinho Felix, was a professional footballer and was capped once by Portugal in 1972. 39 - Mourinho speaks Portuguese, Spanish, Italian, French, English and Catalan. 40 - In recent years many figures in world football have labelled Mourinho as the best coach in the world, including Wesley Sneijder, Karim Benzema, Deco, Iker Casillas and Cristiano Ronaldo. Legendary AC Milan boss Arrigo Sacchi also described him as "a phenomenon." 41 - "I could write a book of 200 pages of my two years at Inter with Mario Balotelli," said Mourinho in 2012. Player and coach enjoyed a turbulent relationship at San Siro, with the Italian striker once being warned at half-time of a game against Rubin Kazan not to pick up a second yellow card by his coach, only to then be sent off in the 46th minute. 42 - In 2010 Mourinho was fined €40,000 by Uefa after appearing to issue instructions via Jerzy Dudek and Iker Casillas to Sergio Ramos and Xabi Alonso that resulted in the latter two players being sent off in Real Madrid's 4-0 Champions League win over Ajax. Having been sent off the two were then suspended for the last Champions League group match against Auxerre with qualification to the knockout stages already secured, and then had a clean slate for the last-16. 43 - The 50-year-old tasted defeat outside football in 2004, when an unofficial biography about him called O Vencedor - De Setubal a Stamford Bridge became a bestseller in Portugal despite his attempts to stop it being published. 44 - At the end of 2011 Mourinho was named Rockstar of the Year by the Spanish edition of Rolling Stone magazine and featured on the front cover of their December edition. 45 - In August 2011 Mourinho managed to escape punishment following an ugly melee at the end of the Supercopa second leg against Barcelona, despite being seen poking the eye of the then Barca assistant coach Tito Vilanova. In the aftermath of the incident he went on to call Tito "Pito", a Spanish slang term for penis. 46 - Controversial Paris Saint-Germain striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who played under Mourinho at Inter, described the Portuguese coach positively in his autobiography I Am Zlatan. “Jose Mourinho is a big star…He’s cool. The first time he met [my wife] he whispered to her: ‘Helena, you have only one mission. Feed Zlatan, let him sleep, keep him happy!’ The guy says what he wants. I like him.” 47 - When Jose departed Inter to join Real Madrid he was caught on camera wishing one of his most loyal players, Marco Materazzi, a tearful farewell before jumping in the back of a car and leaving Milan. 48 - In 2004, Mourinho revealed that four years earlier he had turned down an offer from Sir Bobby to be his assistant at Newcastle, even though the Englishman also suggested he would step down after two years to allow his friend to take over at St James' Park. "Since Bobby suspected I wouldn't accept it, he told me it would only be for a year, two tops, and that at the end of that time I would be head coach and he club manager. I didn't take him up on his offer, knowing sooner or later, my time would come." 49 - Mourinho's Spanish Supercopa victory in 2012 made him the first man to win the national Super Cup in four different countries. 50 - The number of years that had passed since Chelsea had won their last league title when Mourinho
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12.The Matami Tribe of West Africa play their own version of football, instead of a normal football they use a human skull. 13.Coca-Cola would be green if the food colorant wasn't added. 14.During the 17th Century, the Sultan of Turkey ordered his hole harem of women to be drowned and replaced with a new one. 15.Coffins used for cremation are usually made with plastic handles. 16."Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order. 17.Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete. 18.Cockroaches can live several weeks with their heads cut off. 19.It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. We dare you, give it a try! 20.A Ten Gallon Hat will only hold 3/4 of a Gallon. 21.Of all the words in the English language, the word "SET" has the most definitions. 22.It is against the law to burp, or sneeze inside a church in Nebraska. 23.In 1386 a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child.
Crack this if you can! A lift is on the ground floor. There are 4 people in the lift including Wale. When the lift reaches 1st floor, 1 person gets out 3 people get in. The lift goes up to the second floor, no one gets out but 4 people get in. It then goes up to the next floor up. Again, no-one gets out but another 2 people get in. Halfway up to the next floor up the lift cable snaps, it crashed to the floor, exploded and everyone in the lift died. Wale attended the mass funeral. Now, how did Wale survive?.... Any Ideas?

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Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Happy new month viewers... Please like my Facebook page for more jokes @ #dheelite

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